Every year, as my birthday approached, my mom loved to recount the story of my birth — which took place in my parent’s bedroom.
I was always SO embarrassed when she shared it.
It was because I didn't know other 'weirdo' kids who were born at home.
Oh, how life comes full circle. Here we are, the morning after my wife Megan gave birth to baby Vida IN OUR BEDROOM!
And now here I am, one-upping my mom by sharing our story with the world wide web (plus everybody and anybody who happens to stand next to me in line at the grocery store).
How did we end up here? Three Reasons:
The experience with our midwives and having a home birth CHANGED OUR LIVES.
We want others to experience the magic we did.
I caught my baby one-handed, like the infamous OBJ catch, and I will never shut up about it :)
Most people think that home births are for hippies — aka my fellow Fockers — and yes, they can be, but celebrities are on the home birth train too (Giselle, Demi Moore, Meryl Streep, etc.), so it IS cool.
You heard that right! Tom Brady’s kids were born at home!
If you had an amazing hospital experience, I love that!
I’m here to share an alternative with maximized emotional, financial, and health benefits.
The US ranks alarmingly high in maternal mortality rates compared to other developed nations, despite spending the most on healthcare. Clearly, something isn't adding up1.
Mark my words, more education on this topic will lead more people to paving their own path and home births will become a MAJOR trend.
Setting the Stage
I’ve never experienced something so real, so charged with emotion, so connected, so primal, and yet, so naturally human.
Picture this…without picturing Megan please…
Two midwives, my mother, and me, all in our bedroom, sitting about 3 feet away from Megan, watching her bottom half (trying to keep it PG here folks), while she is standing (but squatting), holding onto a metal, seatless stool (almost like a walker), pushing and moaning with each contraction, while our doula stood behind her massaging her shoulders.
Everybody in the room is naked and we’re all chanting.
Just kidding…only Megan is naked and there was no chanting lol. Maybe next kid we turn it up a notch and go full-on Focker.
The miracle of creating a child, combined with the connectedness I felt to Megan and the anticipation of our life changing, felt other-worldly.
What’s awesome about a home birth is that you can set the environment and choose exactly where and how you want to deliver.
Be it your bed, bathtub, blow-up tub, kitchen table (we do not suggest), or holding onto the aforementioned metal stool, the world is your oyster.
From plants to flowers, shrines filled with motivational quotes, relaxing scents, favorite music, and comforting food, you can do whatever you want to get in the zone (and then sleep in your own bed afterward).
Now, you may be thinking…why is a man writing about HIS home birth experience when he wasn’t the one who did the hard work?
Fair point.
However, WE have become so passionate about home births and want others to experience the magic we did.
Our midwives essentially doubled as psychologists throughout the process, educating us every step along the way and asking important questions that aligned us as we stepped into parenthood.
Alignment is crucial when entering parenthood, for any unresolved issues before having children will only be amplified once you do.
This hands-on, personalized approach with our midwives was unlike anything we expected and, frankly, unlike anything we've heard from our friends who gave birth in hospitals.
Was it scary not being in a hospital?
Not at all.
We found the right people to guide us, and competence breeds confidence.
For anyone on the fence, you can always run a parallel process like we did—hire a midwife AND go through the process with an OBGYN.
With our OBGYN, we felt like we were on a conveyor belt, being rushed through the process and told what to do.
With our midwives, we were educated and empowered to make our own decisions.
This dual approach is especially helpful if one partner initially leans more toward the traditional hospital route.
OK, the pitch was heavy, but if you still think we’re crazy, here are a few crazy stats:
1) Hospital births are relatively new. In 1900, 5% of births occurred in a hospital. That means our grandparents or great-grandparents were all doing it (and doing it well)!
As giving labor became institutionalized, having your baby at the hospital started as a symbol of wealth and that’s how it caught wildfire in the US.
2) Home births are safer and less expensive than you think. “Stagnant maternal mortality rates and rising rates of infant mortality due to birth injury occur as a result of increased, unnecessary operative intervention.2”
Yes, you read that right!
Hospitals make more money when they intervene, so it's more expensive and potentially riskier. Just ask around (politely and appropriately) for how many unplanned c-sections occurred in your network and you’ll get this data yourself.
For a deeper dive, watch "The Business of Being Born."
Of course, if you’re going into it with complications or high-risk, this needs to be considered beforehand. I am also not a doctor, but a proponent for everybody to do their own research and learn about natural alternatives!
3) The only things midwives can’t do in your home are give you drugs or perform surgery. Now, I’m a man, so I can’t speak to the no-drug thing and certainly do not judge whatever decisions you make.
Megan made the decision for no drugs based on her value system, her belief that life has pain and you need to go through pain for greatness, but also what she learned about the negative impacts of the epidural, and that more complications can arise because you can’t feel down below.
For those fearful of the pain from a natural birth, our midwife Aleks said it along these lines: “natural births are among the pinnacle of human experiences on par with death. The ability to experience such a sublime event has so many life altering benefits for mom, baby, and the partner.”
If it serves you any lightness, although Megan’s birth lasted 24 hours, her strength and trust in the process got her through it and she exclaimed that she has “done harder things.”
Lastly, if you have a complication requiring surgery, midwives can catch it early enough to get you to a hospital. Given the nature of their work, they can help identify complications way earlier in the pregnancy to avoid issues at birth.
For some fun learning:
1) Your Placenta is worth an estimated $50,0003 In traditional Chinese Medicine, the placenta is “worth its weight in gold” since eating the placenta is wildly beneficial for Mom!
Yes, you should literally eat the organ that you give birth to just like all mammals do in the wild. The placenta is rich in iron, protein, and many beneficial hormones, and is known to assist with postpartum recovery. You can get it in capsules or put it in your smoothies. Wild, right?
It’s crazy how we treat it as a biohazard in the US.
Even crazier, when patients don’t request to receive it, hospitals sell them for thousands of dollars as a side hustle.
2) It’s your time to shine as a DJ. Push playlists are a thing, but knowing what to play when is crucial. HERE’s my playlist for some inspo, and yes, Megan loved the Nirvana remix.
3) Mystical things MAY go down. At one point in the night, we were speaking about our deceased grandparents, and the lights in the bathroom connected to our bedroom started to flicker. Can I prove that they were there with us and it was a sign? No, but those lights have never flickered on us before and haven’t since. I get the chills thinking about it.
4) Human breast milk is actually sweet and delicious. Not that I know, but I heard about it from a friend.
If you ever want to learn more about our experience please do reach out!
Or better yet, if you’re considering a home birth, talk to our midwives. If you didn't catch it, they're incredible, and they’ve become like family.
Focker out!
Aleksandra Evanguelidi: Instagram Website
Meaghan Snider: Instagram Website
Additional Resources:
Loudon, 1992, Leavitt, 1986, Wertz and Wertz, 1977